Diet post at acne.org

[Squash]

I found this post on the acne.org forums:

Hi everyone....this is my first post on the forum, but I think this topic is great and I wanted to say some things and, if you don't mind, share my thoughts and experiences, what this life has taught me so far, and what I'm struggling to learn.

Firstly, it is important to remember that human beings, for as awful as we can be, never give up in persevering. I feel like no matter how much I want to indulge in thinking and worrying about the bad stuff, as long as I have decided that I have no choice but to stay alive, I, like a bubble of oxygen in water, will always somehow float to the top. I would like to believe that anyone who has made the decision to live will eventually comes to this realisation.

I developed mild adult acne after I graduated college 4 years ago. For the first year it didn't phase me, but gradually I began to obsess about it to the point that anything I had accomplished in my life until then fell away from me and I literally lost almost all of myself while putting everything on hold until I found a cure. It's ridiculous how you can go from being so idealistic about the world to being on the brink of suicide over something like the change of your appearance, but such are the natures of people---we want so badly for others to recognize our inner worth and to be approving of us--we want so badly to love and to be loved as when we were children--that when we don't get it we lose faith in ourselves and feel guilty or get angry. Add to that others' tendency in this competitive society to treat one another terribly, and its a wonder that not everyone is sitting in an institution somewhere heavily medicated and trying to drowse away the hours.

Eventually I did find a cure, through extreme diet regimens. I was becoming happy but still hid behind makeup because of scarring. I didn't know about facial peels or anything like that. Smoking also worsened my skin's appearance, and I soon quit. What I didn't realize and had a small suspicion about, however, was that these diets were fucking with my ability to concentrate. Maybe I was beginning to feel more confident, finding myself more attractive and acting on that impulse, but working in academia where ideas are what I bank on, I had the suspicion that my thoughts were slipping, that my energy was going away. I developed chronic fatigue syndrome. On the outside I looked beautiful and could "perform" intelligence, but my inside didn't correspond. I was unable to do my work at the level I had in undergrad. I couldn't even carry an intelligent thought properly through its course because I'd get tired so easily. My speaking skills suffered and I was slow in being able to think immediately or respond proficiently. Where before I couldn't engage in conversation because I had become so mortified of my appearance, now I just sat pretty and looked engaged. For two years of gradschool I fooled myself into thinking that because I looked good, everything else was good. When I started doing peels and seeing drastic results, my delusions increased. However, something happened this semester that made me realize how wrong I was. I started sensing that despite my confidence in my own intelligence, others were beginning to doubt me, because I couldn't carry conversations, because I was so slow. I sensed myself being treated like an airhead which, when I thought seriously about it, was more insulting than being treated as ugly. I was so weak and fraile this semester that, just to be able to finish a term paper, I decided out of desparation to eat meat after 3 years of rigid diet regimens, I decided to hell with the adverse affects of acne, my livelihood was at stake.

It is crazy how immediately restored I became. Tasks that before seemed impossible, hours that before seemed too tiring and too long, became easier and more fluid for me. Meat is the only thing I changed about my diet...everything else is raw and I daily mix a liter of orange juice with 4 tablespoons of first cold press extra virgin olive oil and sip from it throughout the day whenever I need more energy. In a few days I began to notice minor imperfections in my skin, almost miniscule red inflmations isolated to one spot. The texture of my skin changed. I almost went back to the diet again bc it brought back such awful memories of trauma. Even though, truth be told, this was nothing compared to before. Then I remembered this site and had some bp and decided to try the regimen again.

Bp works for me apparently, my skin looks fine, but I have two small blackheads which I'm having a tough time accepting. I know its not big deal, in fact I look much better than in undergrad, and I've done research about how facials are good for extracting difficult pores like this. This weekend I went to my in-laws house, however, and they have seen my whole progression from acne to here. His mom in particular has this nasty habit of shamelessly inspecting my skin each time I see her. It makes me feel humiliated for her to focus on me that way, and it makes me sad that only if my skin were flawless would she admire me fully, but otherwise it doesn't matter how much I accomplish.

In the last few years society has become increasingly obsessed with skin and age and perfection. I find myself admiring women much older than me who have managed to beat the clock and remain hopeful that I'll be able to do the same when the time comes. But it's a slippery slope. Acne and aging are relatively similar obsessions. I made a mistake when we got back this week and searched Botox and acne and found that some people broke out horribly when taking the drug. I became obsessed with the idea that, either this will happen to me, or, that by the time I become older, everyone else around me will be youthful and "perfect" looking, and I'll be the only old person, that wrinkles will replace acne, and that his family will always have something to judge me for.

I found myself spiralling into this obsessive pattern of thought I'm sure many people are familiar with, and it's been this way since the weekend. I realize there are other underlying issues that affect my obsession with my appearance-- bad childhood experiences, body dysmorphic disorder, etc. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have thought (though not seriously) wistfully about having the courage to commit suicide and letting go of the pain, which I for some reason seem to internalize so actuely. I can't even say what it is that hurts me so much. I know I can get the blackheads removed. I know there's hope with antiaging and the whole thing is sorry and unimportant. I know I'm pretty. But maybe it's just society that has disappointed me. Maybe I feel the fear that appearance is such an idle, evil obsession that, regardless of how much one wants to be "pure", even spiritual, even noble, even a completely good person, especially as a woman, appearance can not be avoided as an important factor in determining initial estimations of your worth to other people. You will never feel as confident or as lovable as you did when you were truly in your youth. This is mortality.

So I came to this forum and found this post and it lifted my spirit to be reminded that what matters more, what is more eternal than youth, more noble than the appearance of perfect beauty, is the ability to communicate with people and to want to serve them. So I have decided that, while I can't entirely let go of this body/self-worth dillema, I'd like to include a new obsession that will hopefully override the old one. I want to be a good person and I want to enjoy my life. I want to find and fall in love with the idealism I once had and I want somehow to give something back to the world. I want to tell you all that what you're doing just by posting out to one another, by talking, by transmitting love, by being a vehicle of support to each other by making threads like this and everything else you do here, is an example of our so much more miraculous and important abilities as human beings. That we shouldn't blame ourselves, but should be outraged and saddened by how far away our culture has gotten from what we all, deep in our hearts, know really matters. eusa_dance.gif

- Aly K.

I found this really surprising to read. Obviously she was doing the Wai diet, but she felt fatigued every minute of the day, except when she ate cooked meat. You'd think the salmon/yolk would take care of that for her instead of that meat.

[abicahsoul]

She says her diet fucked up her concentration. I'd say, since she says she has issues with herself (that I can to some extent relate to) and also other people around her who seem to put her down, I'd say it might not be the diet per se, but the fact that if you take out those things from the diet that has junkie qualities (that can give you comfort, peace, etc.), it might make you feel more anxious and your concentration gone. ANd anxiety and depression and childhood trauma can cause problems with concentration etc. Being heavy can also become a way to sedate yourself. Also we dont' know how she interpreted the Wai diet. This problem is common with people who don't eat regularly enough, and doesn't allow themselves to eat enough nutrients etc. As far as I understand.

[Squash]

She says her diet fucked up her concentration. I'd say, since she says she has issues with herself (that I can to some extent relate to) and also other people around her who seem to put her down, I'd say it might not be the diet per se, but the fact that if you take out those things from the diet that has junkie qualities (that can give you comfort, peace, etc.), it might make you feel more anxious and your concentration gone. ANd anxiety and depression and childhood trauma can cause problems with concentration etc. Being heavy can also become a way to sedate yourself. Also we dont' know how she interpreted the Wai diet. This problem is common with people who don't eat regularly enough, and doesn't allow themselves to eat enough nutrients etc. As far as I understand.

Yes, exactly, because it is only after she started eating meat again that she mentioned 'sipping on orange juice for constant energy'. She might've not gotten that the first time around.

[overkees]

I experienced the opposite. From sleeping 12 - 14 hours a day to 9 hours a day. With full energy and much happiness. The skin is a bonus for me, as i dont have skin problems (except for a pale skin and sleepy eyes).

The egg yolks are definitely essential core building blocks. And same goes for the eventual fish. And from what i read is that she didnt eat fish. Only the fruits.

Although i do like to eat raw meat every once in a while. Especially if you do intervaltraining (hunting). The cavemenlifestyle!

[alqazaha]

Don't forget that this is the internet. I caught people writing fake reviews and getting paid for it. This may be one of those.

[waipete]

a fake review would reference the diet more directly.

I would just message the user and tell her your interested in her story, and wanted details on if she consumed raw yolks/fish and perhaps what the rest of her diet looked like.

I personally think she is on the right track, helping people and communicating with others is a huge thing about our nature. We are born like that, but then society tells us to be competitive and work against each other, it's confusing.

[RRM]

I decided out of desparation to eat meat after 3 years of rigid diet regimens

The Wai diet includes meat...